Competition
I have a certain problem, which I've had since as long as I can remember. I have worked on controlling it for a long, long time, but sometimes it still rears its ugly head.
I have a certain way of doing things which others have described as a competitive spirit. To me, it's the simple idea that I don't do anything unless I intend to do a great job. I just don't know how to do something half-assed. Now this may usually be a good attribute to have, but sometimes it's not. Sometimes, you just want to chill and be blah. I recognize this, and in the past several years I've worked on being a little more chill about certain things, and learning when to have a chill attitude and when to light the competitive fire.
Sometimes, though, I forget. And usually it's playing sports. I've at least learned that most of the time I can't expect everyone around me to be putting 110% into a friendly game of volleyball at the company picnic, for instance. But I also learned a long time ago that before I get myself into one of those situations I have to make sure that I have the right attitude.
The thing is, as with all things there are sometimes grey areas. I play volleyball with a group of people twice a week, and I would characterize our play as being semi-competitive while still be friendly. Even though it's just friendly play, I still hold myself to pretty high standards of play and I get frustrated at myself sometimes when I'm not playing as well as I know I can play. Most of the time, I recognize that I can't hold everyone to the same level of play as myself because for some people, it's just not why they're there. However, a very small number of times, I kind of get caught up in it and forget this and my frustration sometimes boils over and I might say some things that I shouldn't say.
I do feel pretty bad about this, and I think most everyone just kind of recognizes that I'm a crazy all-out guy and sometimes I say things out of frustration when I shouldn't. But it doesn't change the fact that I still feel bad about it all afterwards, and I probably think about it more so than anyone else. Like I said, lately, it's gotten a lot better than in years past, but it's still something that I would like to continue working on.