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Holy Matrimony and all that nonesuch...

Tomorrow night, I fly out for the wedding of one of my closest friends. As I reported here, we did the bachelor party in Vegas last month, and actually the past couple of weeks have been a string of celebratory dinners, all-night drinkfests, late-night musings, poker nights, drives, and all the other stuff that he seems to think we'll still do when he gets back from the honeymoon but everyone else knows we won't.

I mean, we approached the whole with a sense of finality that I can't really describe. I think it must be like sending someone off to war... you celebrate as though it *might* be the last time, but you hope it won't.

Sentimental waxing aside, I don't really know what to expect emotionally when I show up at the wedding itself. I'm a groomsman (I've stood in the parties of four weddings now, none as the best man, which also kind of makes me feel like I've been a pretty close friend and confidant over the years, but not quite that close) so I imagine I'll have some duties that will keep me appropriately occupied such that I won't have a chance to really take it all in until after the dust has settled.

Anyhow, the entire concept of marriage befuddles me. I know I don't respect the institution as much as I did growing up, especially in light of the national disucssion on gay marriage and civil unions. It seems so artificial a social/political/religious construct placed upon the most natural and innocent of unions. Marriage, if it is all of those things that society has burdened it with, has no place in my worldview, despite my respect for the eternal underlying spiritual concept. I think this stance could be generalized to encompass my view on religion in general, but that is a whole other topic entirely.

PGP Signed Entry

Comments

When you start a new job, you don't typically plan on leaving it. You know you likely won't be there for the rest of your life, but you normally plan to stay as long as possible. But who knows? So you take the job with a "see what happens attitude", right? Suppose a part of the employment contract was that you can never, ever quit the job despite how bad it gets. That's ridiculous!

What about purchasing a car? What if the paperwork required you to sign a document that says, "I will keep this car forever. Despite how my needs for transporation may change or how the condition of the car changes. I will keep it forever and ever". It's just not logical.

With marriage, the level of committment you are agreeing to legally, emotionally, financially, and spiritually is extreme. I don't think I fully realized the depth of the committment until recently when I decided I wanted to end my marriage of 3 years. Then it hit home. I'm essentially breaking a promise not unlike the examples I gave above. As if that's not enough guilt, you've basically merged lives with another human and your decisions seriously affects their life too. You're right. Society has placed this huge expectation on marriage as a milestone. So much so, that it just seems like a normal step to take. Why? What's the goal? What's the purpose?

Maybe my hindsight can be foresight for others.