Shanghai Yummy

Now let me just set the record straight. I am not anti-smoking in the sense that I believe it is everyone's individual right to do whatever they want to themselves. I'll even fight for your right to smoke as long as you respect my right not to. As Voltaire put it, "I disagree with everything you say, but I will fight to the death for your right to say it." Well, I'll fight for that, and I'll even fight for your right to kill yourself, long as you don't drag me down with ya. In that vein, I don't have a problem if you smoke, or drink, or do pot, or crack, or heroin, or you like cutting yourself or whatever... what I do have a problem with is when you chain smoke in my face, drink and drive while I'm on the road, expect me to be in a car with you when you have a stash of drugs, and the only time I ever cut myself is when I'm diving for a save in front of a goal that happens to have gravel instead of grass. Alright? So I'm cool with smoking, long as I don't have to smoke with you.

That said, unfortunately, Asia still stinks. Because ALL of Asia smokes. And it is simply not possible to not be bombarded by second-hand smoke EVERYWHERE you go. Until the mid-90's, transiting through Narita airport (or any airport in Asia) was like spending a few hours in a packed bar (even if you only spent 15 minutes in the airport). Now, they've got designated smoking areas at the airports, which is a relief, but it's also quite entertaining. Whenever the doors slide open, this cloud of smoke pours forth, someone walks in, and disappears into the soupy fog. Unfortunately for the rest of Asia, these designations simply don't exist. The "smoking section" of any restaurant would be "the entire restaurant plus the foyer, plus the parking lot, kitchen, bathrooms, bar, waiting area, lounge, road in front, alley in back, side streets next to, apartments above, subway station below, plus any other area not already mentioned within the confines of the Asian continent." EVERYWHERE.

Now, as if that's not bad enough, I have to be constantly reminded wherever I go in China that nobody respects rules if they think they can get away with it here. There are actually "No Smoking" signs in many, many places. And I'm not talking about ones that say "No Smoking" in English because, hey, then they might have the excuse that (spit) they can't read! But I'm talking about the ones that show a lit cigarette with a big red circle and diagonal line through it. Here I'll even put one on the page to make sure we're clear. I might also add that there are signs for "No Spitting" in similar fashion and "No Throwing Yourself in front of the Subway." I'll try to take pictures of these sometime. They're a riot. But anyway, while I haven't yet seen someone violate the "No Throwing Yourself in front of the Subway" rule I frequently see the other two blatently disregarded constantly. It's frustrating. And among the top reasons why I'll never be comfortable living in China.

Anyway, enough misery from me. On to the cheerful subject of how I lost my Ray-Bans. So I had to take a business trip out to Hang Zhou sometime last week or maybe the week before. Hang Zhou is about 2.5 hours by train from Shanghai, and it's most famous for West Lake, which is a big tourist attraction. If you're into seeing a lot of pretty historical man-made additions to a lake, it's the place to go. Now I must warn you that I was feeling a bit ill when the day started and I really should have just called it off. But off I went anyway, and I made it through the day's business and even had lunch with the customer. Then it was onto the bus station for the ride home. There, my ill feeling returned, so I went to the restroom to see if I could find some relief. Turns out the restroom had but the Chinese "squat" style toilets, so I was discouraged. I'd never used one before, and frankly, I feared them like I fear being eaten by Godzilla. So I left the restroom and went back to the waiting area. Maybe it was the smoke, but after a few more minutes I decided there was so frickin' way I was going to be able to hold out for another 45 minute wait, plus a 3 hour bus ride, plus whatever time it would take to get back home after the bus got into Shanghai. So I went into one of the stalls and looked at the trough beneath me. Now there are many types of squat toilets, but this one happened to have a trough instead of just a hole. Remember. I'd never, ever done this before. So I'm standing over this trough, and I drop my pants to my ankles, then as I'm bending my waist down to assume a properly balanced squat, ploop in fall my Ray-Bans which I'd hooked onto my shirt foolishly. ANGER!

Now I have to admit that I actually thought for about 0.000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001235 second about reaching in there and grabbing them. Anyway. I did end up relieving myself, and I made it home okay. But that's the last time I go anywhere in China if I feel the least bit sick. Oh, and I might also mention that you need to bring your own toilet paper. I did NOT find this out the hard way, thank God.

Anyway, enough of that. I think I've already picked out the next pair, the Oakley C-Wire in Silver Frame with Ice lenses. We'll see how long that lasts. The Ray-Bans ended up lasting about 2.5 years, which is better than most for me. I tend to lose, break, or have my sunglasses stolen every 1.5 to 2 years. You'd think I'd have figured out that I should not be spending more than $10 on sunglasses by now, but I'm a pretentious bastard.

Sigh...